First things First?!

Okay, I just got home and am about to go into my routine from when I get home.  I open up the computer to post my receipts (I track all spending) and see the WordPress page open on the screen right when I turn it on.  This makes me think of the title of this post, so I type it, and then wrote this paragraph.

What are the first things first!?!?

I think my actions show a lot different than what I claim to be my priorities.  I have lots of theory and sayings etc (and also things that I say and wish to/for people), though I think my actions are skewed.  This reminds me of a quote that I made many years ago….

“Lead by example, even when no one is around to witness.”

If this is the case, than I have not followed the quote.  I have many bad habits that I still need to shed, and I also note that another key quote from my step-dad Owen is “Do the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason.”  I also added later, “For the right people” though it should not be my role to judge who is worthy or not of things.

If I want to be a prolific writer though, I need to write.  It’s been more than a week since I posted a full post on this page, and even if few are reading these, it’s a major part of my long term process.  If I want to build the glass house, then a sure and solid and true foundation must be made.  This then links me (again) to church and religion and how I’ve separated a lot of that from my recent video posts.  I have recorded about seven or so videos in the past two weeks that I’ve been posting on Facebook, though not for public viewing.  Also noted I did write for a 2 hour session on this page, though took the entire post offline and sent it as a personal message to my Dad.

We’ve been told we’ll make time for the things that we love, and if we aren’t, then we should.  I also hope some people will take a bit of extra time to care for others.  I missed a chance today to say hi to Susan outside the Shell because I was too busy on shift delivering pizzas.  I kind of wish I took an extra 30 seconds to stop and say hi as there was no connection between her and I today.  I will not natter about her situation and story (though want to know a few things of her and her life).

In line with this title, we also need to find what we need to do first and I have ideas for that also, though not certain if to go on about them here on this page.  I also note that substances have been too much a part of my life (as I even now want to go get a coffee from the kitchen.  It’s decaf, though still, I’m so so much of a consumer).

I’m trying to sort this (and myself) out.  Advice I read was that we shouldn’t keep working on ourselves and postponing what we want to do until we ‘are ready’.  We may never be!  The same book I read that in also guides the principle of growing through action… that when we actively do things, it will help us grow.  I have a few different points where I’ve allowed myself to get torn between different people, ideals, and ideas.

Tonight, one pull is that I want to create (like writing this post) and also helping work at the church tomorrow.  Apparently I chose to write.  This choice makes me think of how selfish and self-focused I am sometimes, and then contradictively think of “How am I going to earn a living with my creative projects if I don’t actually work on them.”

On my most recent weekend (Monday through Wednesday) I was exceptionally active, though again I missed a few things.  There are responsibilities that I have, or projected that I have, that cause a guilt feeling for not following through with them.  This draws back to the question, what do I really want!??!

I want to thrive!

I don’t want to just exist or live life for other people out of obligation, and at some points I am finding a genuine desire of wanting to help others.  Danny R was the one who suggested that I’m acting with selfish motives if I think of how I will benefit by helping another.  This want of not just sminking help with my dreams twists of how I want to share my dreams and find people that WANT to help.  If I go about helping people with their lives (jab) and then later ask for their help with mine (right hook), perchance I should take a different course of action.

As I develop and cultivate my heart and my mind (and integrity) I deem that I may just turn into creating an amazing life for myself by allowing others to help when they want to, and not out of obligation.  That (using business terms) will use pull marketing by doing what I want and can to help others, and then find a certain reciprocation from want and not duty.

These ideas are all part of what I’ve notioned as my Freedom Solution.  To do what I want, for who I want, for the right reasons, and at the right time (and to align my being and actions to be right actions through a cleansing of intent and spirit).

Church is one place where I have been lacking.  I have been hiding the videos I’ve been making recently because I swear a bit in them, and also because I’m smoking in the videos.  This then seems to line that there is a fault in my own self that I am afraid to share.  I guess I fear judgement for my vulgarity and substance use.

At other points of my wants and dreams, it’s been like I want the entire world to know.

I had set the intent to meet Natalie Imbruglia…. that was a want that I held for many many years, and it’s not something I want to throw away either.  Like how I’m inclined to think of my life through the next few years, it’ll be a development of a word I heard from Gary Vaynerchuk… meritocracy; The fact that we earn what we deserve.

I know that I want to earn my life… glass house… love… longevity… Natalie… though I need to reprioritize what I am doing, for and with who, and to adjust and remove my negative behaviours.

I guess the moral of this post is that I’m acknowledging that I have many things that I want to do and change of myself, that I am taking steps forward to do so, and also to track this journey and make sure I put in the work required so that I can earn my dreams.

And for you from this post…. recall the title, “First things First”.  Step one, you know… I don’t yet know.  If you find what your step one is though, take it, and rally the world to your side to help with it.  I hope to….

Learn, Love, Live, Thrive, Create, Play, and Pray!!!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s