Why So Much (and so little) Focus?!

12:55AM Monday April 25th 2016

I forget my friends.  I have forgotten my intents.  The lessons learned have burned away like those who wish to purge me from the fray.

There is the fact that I lack tact.  I lack heart.  I lack care.

I forget sometimes to make the time to be there.

Tonight I encountered a dear friend of whom I had shown neglect.  I feel guilt.

A post from another primary friend also makes me think…

 

“It’s really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends.

 It’s really sad when the best of friends become strangers”

I have become so focused on wanting to help some people that I forget to care.  I have spent so much time trying to help and help facilitate people towards their hopes and goals and dreams, that I have forgotten to love and care and be there for those who may not have hopes and goals and dreams.  I have become so focused on wanting to generate creative works, that I forget to stop and remind myself that I used to have a great heart.

Friends should be loved, not dear.

To me, I call some people dear when they are liked, yet I don’t feel that I love them enough.  I have over tended some people with logistics and things that I think that they need without listening to their heart and tending that.  I have complained that I have no family in town, and reminded that some also know there are some with friends closer than kin.  I just seem to have made myself a spectacle that runs around town like a goat trying to generate value and push my creative works without having empathy for those that are not even wanting to live.

I have become flaccid with my heart… in the feeling of it.

I guess I need to repent.  Not of a religious repentance for the actions I’ve made that are unholy or depraved, though rather for forgetting that people NEED love, and not just a car ride or (when I was in Magic) this crad or that.

I need to step back.

For those on this planet that I have neglected or wronged, it will not be easy (for me), though please let me know what I have done and if there is any way of atoning for the wrong I have made upon you.  I wish to repent.

I often will write for thirty minutes on this pages posts, though I won’t today.  This is a short read that I wish to be read.  Please let me know what I may do to form a clear start with you.  I am a flawed human, though human I am.

We shall talk again.

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