Two DJ brothers made the file I played to write this… I used the file for an hour long album called Metamorphic Heart. (DJ Set listing here). The album Metamorphic Heart is one that I recorded a few years ago, though was seeded from the year 2000 when I first started bundling some rhymes together for recording.
I started speaking into a tape recorder in 1998-1999 as when forming some of my first lines. I had ideas back then that seemed like a pure dream. I had made titles for albums and started thinking of track titles. Metamorphic Heart was the idea for my first album, though the file that it became (late 2007-2012) did use rhymes from ‘The Saturn Book’.
The Saturn Book is a notebook that I was given by my Mom for Christmas 1999. I had started writing tracks in the book with the intent to record. At the point of December 1999, the only near total song recording I had made was for a girlfriend in the Philippines from August 1999 that was the original Life is a Sunset. During the August 1999 trip I had formed the first full length series of words and rhymes that became the track Celestial Dreams.
The fact that I’ve carried on with the rhymes for decades also is partly how I’ve developed my skills. I know I’m not a professional artist, though sometimes I am surprised by the focal ability of fusing reality with some of my preset flows. I have thought of how if ever making the choice to be a professional artist, that I will need far more training and cultivation of idea and energy to form a professional ability. I still am very much a novice, though the Saturn Book reminds me that the flow has been a bit obsessant for such a long time.
Through the past few years, I’ve continued with flowetry, though I’ve never yet developed the ability to actually write a song. I can write streams of consciousness that rhyme, though I haven’t found a solid structure. Mr. Vee reminds us that we need to find our cadence… he may mean it in a different business and functional way of activity and procedure of life, though I really am wanting to find my own cadence too for my rhymes.
“Secret signature timing was the hardest part to figure out” – Canibus
My rhymes and flows from before 1999 are not fully in my memory. I have lost a lot of memory from back before I had ever recorded. I recall sitting in the corners of (some) dancefloors and just running my mouth spilling rhymes and trying to rap. I still don’t have a Rap cadence, that’s partly how and why I define myself as Introversial, and not Rap or Hip-Hop. My songs don’t often have a hook or chorus…. The recordings are full length babble storms that are almost always one-take recordings.
It’s like I DO have a crazy ability to rhyme, though my challenge is is that my flows often don’t make sense. I can babble on and on (sometimes) though the relevance that I have is minimal. I have tried making songs from pages written to specific people (keystyles), though even then I sometimes travel away into and out from a comprehendible point of sense. I have received feedback from some people that my vocals are sometimes too quiet, that they are monotone, and that the quality of the microphone is not adequate.
I am nowhere near being a professional artist. I also am not certain that I’d want to be. If I think of an unlimited situation of focusing entirely on my lyrics and lyrical skills, I think I’d need to be coached or trained to hone my craft. I also am not certain that I would want the fame and attention associated with such. In 1999 I was wanting to be a mainstream artist, and now-a-days I’ve talked a lot about wanting to make money with my music. If I talk about one of my primary ‘clouds’ (the glass house) I will certainly not (as far as I’m yet aware (or able)) to earn the home without an excessive amount of global awareness, and I’m partly afraid of that.
Because of my experiences with the Rap Game in the 1999-2001, I also have the belief that I’m not suited for being part of that. I’m not an MC… I do like and love (some) Rap and Hip-Hop, yet I am not suited as an active member of that community, even if I have thought myself an artist that is not contained merely to one country on this planet.
When I go back to when I had first gotten the idea for my aliases for when I was a wanna be MC, I think back to the ideas of outer space and the drug induced delusions I had of other worlds beyond Earth. I think back to my conspiracy thoughts and how I held beliefs that every thought was being recorded. I used to think that there were cameras in the backs of televisions recording me when I was at home. I used to think that the spell check underlines on words I misspelled on Word were actually a specific gal communicating directly back at me (a gal I gave the codename NRed).
The album Metamorphic Heart is a very important one to me. I also though the years have found myself appreciate my abilities and recordings more as time progresses. At the point of writing this, there are some people in my town that know I record. I also am aware that my Bandcamp page has very few visits, downloads, or plays, and that’s the primary distribution channel. I AM the person that probably has played my own music the most, and I have ideas as to why. Since they are only ideas, and not fully known fact, I shall not share them now either.
I also note with the marketing of my music, I have ruined some of the grounds of friendship by pushing my music too much at some friends. I barely have any people responding or reacting to FB posts. I had spammed too much, and the recovery from doing so is a different challenge all together. My own neurosis’ have caused consequences for my own self-directed efforts. I have a double layer that I’m still trying to pull away from my own negative viewpoint on self-promotion. I want the gains of successful promotion, though I also have the edge of not wanting to push myself out to the world. The contrary viewpoint is that I already have put myself too far out to the world, and maybe have drawn lines that keep people I know from wanting to be a friend.
I am a bit of a false and phony. I also have cared so so deeply for some, yet haven’t shown it because of my own fears of being one to care. A Paradox. I also sometimes will not share care or an “I love you” because of my own doubt, and also not wanting to push promote my care and/or love on the concern that it, even if true, will be viewed as self-promotion or be viewed as an attempt to gain favour.
Then the next inclination was to type some names and appreciations for some people I like, though don’t because another friend told me not to name drop (and also because of the fear that the attention would not be wanted or appreciated (or even disliked)). This web I navigate through is tangled and dark, yet I wish not to be a mark, so I embark on my natural abilities to ease into the flow, because it’s a place I like to go.
It’s easier sometimes to tell you so the truth that I am years past my first youth, and that I don’t have the abilities or likeness needed to be found in a booth to record. I have used the pens and keys as my ward to keep people away from what I say. I don’t want to invade or get in the way, yet I also want to play and live forever and a day.
Searching for Tomorrow to borrow some time to rhyme so you too may climb deep into Abyss with her kiss to land on my lips on one of the future trips. I gather my grips and Magic to ensure the tragedy is a love story that will find us to chip away at the quarry. Lori, I’ve not forgotten about you either, and though the writhers of the feelings also cause me fear from past dealings of a cast that want my fleshly peelings to be plastered on the ceilings like I was all zoom zoom back to the womb with a tomb from the mushrooms that were not overgrown. The tones of the music I picked to write this find the Vonyc to help Sonic rip a trip to Tails and the cybergenics sales.
Anyhow… there’s fifteen minutes left in the sound file, so I’ll stop and get a drink and a ciggie before continuing with the links in this post.
If you are reading this… please accept a request. Please ensure that we can and will develop Global PLU8R. It’s beyond just the meeting of her and you. It’s beyond the understanding of some inwardly focused crew. It’s beyond the point of now, as the plough set the dig in the dirt to share that some responsibilities were skirted today (like making 30 minutes to clean my place), and I also note that I forgot about outer space. The focal Grace also finds the winds back to the bus, and I think I should switch back to English.
So, my wishes for today? I wish more people would download and play my music (Bandcamp link). I wish that I learn to care and love more, and get past the fear of being treated negatively for being kind and good and true to friends. I wish that I can find a way of supporting myself and sharing my works with people. And I also wish that I will continue to be content and glad and well and have enough to keep ploughing the communal fields.
I don’t pray too well, though I should remember that more often too. My beliefs about The Contialis and telepathy sometimes have kept me from praying. I also recall my trip to Italy in July and how I have a different form of reverence for God, and a more skeptical view on the North American corporate views and actions as a church. I may not fully be able to call myself a Christian, I want to learn more about life and other spiritual viewpoints and practices, and I also note that even if God can be explained as the Galactic Organizing Directive, it reminds me that GOD is in full control and I am not.
I may not be a performer, or one who can speak or say structured lyrics that people can relate to, though I’m also glad to be me, and very very glad that some of you are you.
The dreams unfold with the mould of how they hold the stare of the bold share, yet if you can, please ease the keys into the eyes of some who may appreciate the eloquent reprise that forms above Norm’s place. The trace of bass shall lace the pace of love, and show to others that I also know fully that I am not the one who wishes to tear any branch from the dove.
A shove offstage from the mage to gauge the worth of how I’m a human by trade, yet a Shoulsman by birth. Keep mirth in your heart, and let’s make the pets assess the Jets as being ones that should remind me that I also am not designed for the mainstream. I also hope you may help tend the dream and find the friends scream out from joy about seeing their own developments of being held true and cool and good since they were a young daughter, or baby boy.
I may use a bit of ruse, yet the bits of the shoes shall share and show that I also don’t like to hit below the belt for some of the crads that others have tried to pelt. Let the cards be dealt and mix some of the radical friends who don’t need to affix to the chicks (because they’re not just about running about sharing their dicks).
The mix I wrote this to is 57 minutes and 54 seconds long, and one last fact… It’s been over fifteen years since I took a hoot out of a bong.
PLU8R y’all…. Be safe!