My creative works are what I use to earn my life. I write to earn love and inclusion. I write to share ideas, thoughts and opinions. I record because I like the results and songs that have been made, and I love sharing them with people.
We know that I push my works out there a bunch, though what can I do to earn the privilege of having you share my works? Those that know me have heard me talk a lot about wanting to get my writing and my recordings out there, though I’ve still barely earned any viewership.
I have shared pages with people, I’ve handed out CDs and business cards, I also have sent direct messages to people asking for them to download free albums, and I also have brought my music into people’s awareness by playing music in their presence. I have posted links to this blog on Facebook, and I also have shared personal letters to people.
Am I pushing too hard? Have I spammed people away? Or have I not earned your trust, love, or respect to help me guild my life.
My challenge with my life is finding a way to earn my living. I have worked jobs with minimal success. I have not been able to hold a job long term due to a mental and emotional reaction to being ‘trapped’ at a job, and I feel pretty awful about this. I note that I don’t want to just freeload on the grace of friends, family, and the government, and I also know I want to earn my life, both present and future.
What I make is who I am. It is an extension of my heart, my mind, my spirit, and my soul… all carried in this physical manifestation of a human body. I want to share it, though it seems (at this point) that there is little value placed on me for that that I have made.
I have gone to school to study, also to find if I could find a profession in which to work. I liked the idea of business, though I’m not profit or sales-minded enough to break past my own negative view of self-promotion. The contrary part of this, is that I HAVE been one to push and share and try to pull in attention and care from people. At the point of now, the gift of someone buying any of my music is purely a sign shown by some that they care enough about me and my life to share a bit of money to convey their support.
Maybe I’m greedy? Maybe I think I hold more value than I actually do have? Maybe I haven’t enough love and support from people to earn my living through creating for the people in (and out) of my life. Maybe, though, people will find value or entertainment in that that I’ve produced.
I have the dualistic notion in my mind and heart of wanting to keep at it… to not give up… To keep pushing and prodding and creating because I do have a stupid faith in myself, and that there is worth in that that I make. I also have a weird and wild belief, that even if I can have a few friends or contacts that do believe in me, or even have a kind heart or likeness for who I am, that those small seeds of PLU8R will help me grow and keep trudging on, even if I sometimes wonder why I bother.
Link this idea, not just to me, though for other friends of yours. Even if you dislike me (which would also probably mean that you wouldn’t be reading this) think of your friends and family and the dreams of their heart. What is it that they want, that you can provide? Some people need another to talk about their life, even if they are dealing with issues and nowhere ready to dream. Some may have dreams and hopes, though not the luck or love or support (or faith) to chase them. Why haven’t more people stepped up to help these friends.
I want to seed heart and collective effort to help build lives. I also repeat myself a lot. It is that my foolish tenacity and hope is to urge people to help, and actually care, enough to want those they know to be happy and acquire what they want. Why aren’t people more open to help lift another up and help gather the support for those they care about?!
My success does, and does not matter. I may be daftly ambitious and idealistic to think that I can help many more than a few, though my needs also are very basic. I have my home to live (some don’t), I have access to my basic consumptive needs (food and water), and I also have a disparaging attitude of myself that carries a bit of anger that people don’t help others.
Maybe I’m just stupid. To think my decades of worth could possibly hold merit to or from another. Maybe I’m foolish to think that I can help others form lives they will love, and that we can work together to make people’s dreams be revealed and tended.
Right now, in this moment of time, I’m just a bit pissed off that I’ve been working for decades on life and still have (seemingly) gathered nothing but the idea that it seems it doesn’t matter how hard I work to be a positive impact and influence, that I still can’t change the fact that it doesn’t matter my own intents and actions have not resulted in a better life.
I’ll throw this idea out there then… Contact three people that you like or love or want to be exceptionally happy. Ask them these three questions.
What does your heart yearn for?
What have you done to search for it?
How can I help you find it?