Finding Natalie – Chapter One

I shared the introduction to the book Finding Natalie yesterday (link to that introduction post).  Today, I share the first chapter of the Finding Natalie book here.  The introduction and the first chapter were written from Natalie’s perspective.  The idea was to write the whole book from her viewpoint and get a copy to her.  That plan shifted… The second chapter shifted to half a dozen other people’s perspective, though that will be shared tomorrow!

Here’s chapter one!

CHAPTER ONE – From Natalie

Kevin Morris is a shoulsman in this story.  He allowed Rob an excuse to stay up late and help us create.  Although so much on the plate, the facts of how tact’s selection is used also helps so that we are not rused.  While fused to the thoughtstream while held in the dream, he helps us weld the team.  A whisper louder than a scream finds the kinds of things that one brings under wings.  The kings that seed the need of a vassal.  A few ideas are stemmed from him.  Adoption and love and life.

Although the flows that Rob’s recorded have been in Kevin’s ears too often, it’s true that the heart does soften.  Like a nail in the coffin, do not be scoffing at the magnitude of this dude’s gumption.  Clarify each assumption made and find the spade deep in the page to dig out the ink and find how other’s like Ross had forced the link.

While coffee a preferred drink, Rob drank an Earl Grey tea before writing to me.  It’s true that Triangle said that my favorite movie was ‘Big Blue’ way back before the first digit of our year was ‘2’.  A trip to Japan in the plan, and while some others that influence the decisions made, this page is prayed to thank you for now allowing him to have laid down to sleep.  The sands of time we must keep.

The music said, “I was talking to my darkest shadows” when this was written for me.  Some say that each line holds a key to open a door to how the love was known years before The Score was recorded.  This may be true, yet I don’t know again.  Kevin’s pens helped draw a picture posted in Rob’s kitchen.  The cats too held well by ones who love them, even when Gabby meowed so so much.  Now Snowball is alive and allowed to thrive with one who’s also allowed to drive, yet has no car.  Y’arrr… I also don’t know how I’ll meet the people mentioned in this book if I don’t even think to start to look into how there are so many and so few, yet only one of you.

This chapter’s pages formed with me fully in mind, yet some of the names mentioned have not been treated kind.  Possibly from that that Rob had inclined to have designed.  Although I don’t know (yet) any of the people held on Rob’s side of the table, the fable shall be Torn from the song.  Possibly because the intent is to be known, and not even remotely disguised, this shall help share and show the creative reprise.

It was 2:53 am PST when this was written for me (and also some of the people that hold the key to the glee and joy of my own baby boy).  I have been to some similar places, and too note that when written we hadn’t yet both seen each other’s faces.  Mine was shown with the clear blue eyes with a note of Lisa Lobe in how the globe is still the same size, yet people may connect so much more easily than we could in 1998.

Each artist needs a place to create…

Some find places like Darling Harbor in Sydney like Rob had for New Years 2010-2011.  That night was magnificent from his perception and he believed it was destiny for us have met that night.  “Maybe I’m not ready?” and HE knows that we were not.  Deeper in the plan than could ever be the plot.  Rob still seems to think he’s a misguided youth that has dreams that people cannot comprehend, yet keep in mind the depth of which this comes that he’s to send.

What is written for me to read must be fact according to the author’s design, yet still misinterpretation will share and nudge some signs along the way.  The paint that I, Aquarius, is to let us spray.  He doesn’t know my opinions, or likes, or thoughts, and as far as he’s aware, there is the fact that even if I don’t read this, the truth and facts are there to share.

There is a large Gund bear named Nancy with a toque on top of Rob’s bookshelf.  In the space where this was written lived two wonderful and amazing kittens.  One was named Winks, and the other Boots.  While the cursor scoots across the pages to be brought to stages of introduction, the functions that cipher well on the other side of this, Belle.

As well as True, other names should be given to complete the nomenclature.  The first was known years before the kitten’s purr.  There too though was Minou.  Rob has a photo of her when he and his Mom lived together in junior high and high school.  Minou was a Calico.  A sad thing, though, is that some people and animals that need to be treated kindly and gently, and still have been abused.  Rob too is guilty and has succumbed to this also.

Seeping into my awareness there is a tainted soul.  A torrent of lost control and bowl after bowl after bowl.  He’s afraid of letting me know for the fear of scaring me away, yet on the other side of the equation it’s a good thing it’s up to me to choose if I shall read or hear and/or not respond to the dream; a dream that has sometimes been completely one-sided obsession and irrational belief.  Why would I ever want to be with someone who’s done so much wrong and has loved too many of the wrong things?  I guess though there’s a solace in knowing that I can read all about it and then set the book on fire.  “Concern about how we burn and doubt that we learn.”  Way too fucking cryptic Robert.

Sometimes it seems that the dreams ARE to tear apart the streams.  A continual obsessed focus point I wish not to be.  With certainty, there IS only one me, and there are billions of other people on the planet.  Why would I search for someone who I’ve never even known, one who’s said and done so many things that I don’t approve of?  How do they know it IS love when they haven’t even met me?  He supposes it goes back to how one does share a bit of their soul when they make an album… at least sometimes.

Who does he think I am anyways?  He’s never had the chance to ask me a question.  He’s never heard me share a story to a friend.  He doesn’t know anyone else that I know and it too is noted that when he wrote this he still had no idea how to even greet me, how to earn his own life, or even how to love, I thought.

I guess if I (or you) are reading this, Rob has made a bit of a journey.  Still though why the hell am I reading this?!?!  Maybe I should just put this book down and read later… or maybe I should just turn to the last page and see the closing remarks.  Or maybe I was never given the book…  Maybe I never took the time to read it…  Perchance the book was never completed and is just another grain of sand along the shoreline…  Perchance, though, Rob does love me.

“With the waves crashing in I shed my fear and sin”

Even if a star keeps the planets near it warm, it too may be seen millions of light years away, maybe even by another lifeform on the cold side of their planet.  A mention of the Mindstone miss Jackson, yet what is for real?  I combine a trine with Scentsy line, trademarks are made for me within the sign.  Emerald Tapestry?

Two book ideas were thought of to be written by this kid.  One was a bunch of his information and ideas and jokes and thoughts called ‘Beautiful?  Do you Mind?’, though this IS the one he wrote.  It takes two to write, and one to read.

Blind Melon – ‘Seed to a Tree’.  A terrible beginning, yet if it starts off wonderful and at its best, then it may only deteriorate.  Then too, what if it starts out like shit and we find that that start fertilizes the sapling to grow and thrive.  Will I ever even meet this person?  Are they still so delusional to hear my ego flare?  I wonder how they thought they could ever be with me?  Noted too that maybe others think I am all high and mighty, thinking I’m above a pauper like Rob.  Then again, maybe they’re projecting and I actually am kindly intrigued by this.  Then again Rob thinks of his arrogance to think that I’d have any interest in him.

Oasis – ‘Stand by Me’.  The key to love is reciprocation and reciprocity.  With that in mind, it’s hoped that we continue.  Some might say that if I only knew the depth of how low they had gone, and into what depths of near insanity they went with myself in mind and shoul.  I also don’t want to give a pity party, so what shall ‘come and go away’ and be known?  He and I both know that we have no idea what will be, while the fears that he may never know what it’s like to be by my side or looking into my eyes.

We stand upon the foreign ground.  We travel to places we have and have not yet ever been.  Get out of your comfort zone and meet someone else, Rob, as you cannot yet be with me, and face that fact.  Even knowing that I may never meet him, he will continue through just to let you know the fanciful whims of a stellar child.  One who smiled the tears and drank the years into his soul.  There is no way he will ever let go of me, yet I don’t know if that’s okay.  It’s true that a heart trapped in love for another cannot grasp another, at least according to what some believe.  If I could only tell him that there is no chance, maybe he would save himself the drama and the journey of trying to meet.  Yet that being told, Rob’s a bit of a stubborn S.O.S. and I hope he’s okay with that.

Chantal Kreviazuk – ‘Surrounded’.  The piano is a beautiful instrument that can drop the most wonderful sounds to nest a voice.  Sarah McLachlan is another that has shown such delicate brilliance.  One person may use the keys to ease the soul with the use of creative control.  He can’t play an instrument, and sometimes HE even thinks that we’ve both been played like a fiddle.  The facts though must remain true as to how and who we are.  Some of us have the depth of spirit that shall maintain that each shall hear it.  The stories of our planet from years and years before we had even existed HAVE helped form our lives.  Many and many soldiers sacrificed their lives for the cost of the freedom that Rob has abused with the claim that people should be allowed to live and love and thrive.  It’s true that people should be allowed to thrive, just not at the cost of another.

From some time ago in a flow for a show, they help tow along the raft of this craft that has allowed the field to be ploughed with good seed.  We must heed well of our own intuition and how some missions are made to help fade the sound into a heart to be found.  While bound about the grout, there is truth in that that we shall sprout.

Mos Def – ‘UMI Says’.  My home is where I may rest, and while blessed, there too is the nest that we live within.  Some have friends closer than kin.  Some may live behind the dumpster bin.  There is the fact that some have lacked their basic needs while the seeds we sow are held row on row in fields like Flanders.  There is truth from the youth about how the booth holds some searching for gold, while others just want the truth to be told.  Grow up old and wise and share a creative reprise with the rise and fall of breath.  Katie and Beth.  Joel and Seth.  Again, people that I don’t know.  How can we stop the incessant flow and allow then to be now?  Somehow I refuse to read this and find Bliss carry the sign line into the spines that mingle on a single myth of how he’ll be with me when the ten minds slip binds of our thought.  What has been brought up to sup with tracks that share Chilliwack’s perception of things Rob’s not allowed to mention?  Intervention may hold us in suspension with the particles of clay, yet how does it matter to him about how the whim results in catapults throwing us back over the wall.  Calls made to shift the mix into the heart from spade.

R.A. The Rugged Man – ‘Till My Heart Stops’.  Although their air is cold, the bold stare of no one there is what allows the class to pass into the view of how, maybe, this was made with him in mind.  Even though lined to mix the cliques into the drums, the beat instead plumbs Rob being a sweet treat.  It’s true that some things we hold onto are not good for us, then again, sometimes we know what’s good for us and still choose not to do those things.  What I may say now is “wants to go out with you cow” while somehow I still keep the man’s heart continually telling us not to start.  The carts hold food while the basket is carried, as I don’t even think that Rob will ever have this.  Married.

Eminem feat. Lil Wayne – ‘No Love’.  Now, what do I think about these songs and these artists that Rob’s written to and about?  I cannot say for I don’t know.  It’s the case that there is a network of us on this planet, and it’s true that some of you have been met.  The debt of my own self to the planet is shown through the things that I do.  What has Rob done for this planet anyways?  Rob’s just a selfish person who wants a life that he hasn’t earned, and sooo many cigarettes burned.  The two that made the track, though, have done a great magnitude for the music industry.  Songs made from their experiences that have chiseled solid loverocks set and solid in the game.  Marshal and Wayne have been in the spin of the kin and how Rob will never win in life with his doubt. A note that people like Tim and him have been in sin and cannot even link to the thought that is to bring the wings up and let the angels cry.  Maybe Tim will make it to heaven while Rob doesn’t even deserve a job, is a slob, and sobbed useless tears for me while the tears of the CD are not understood by Kyle.  Yet, again, he wrote this for a file and not just to see deep into my shyle while the fact is that my love for him is non-existent, not lacked.  And while I’ve stacked the chips another song started its drips.

Lisa Loeb – ‘Wishing Heart’.  It’s true now that this cow seems to deem the picture is something that should be hung up on the wall with a notion to start to crawl into the fact that it’s true a husband I’ve lacked.  I may as well make Rob look like a complete fool and spool him around my finger just to let him linger in the realms of hope and then wash him out like chlorine in his eyes.  Was it just about getting up in the gal’s thighs, and not looking at the sorrow deep in her eyes.  It’s true the reprise speaks of how the leaks of the plough will now be then and still till the sands of Atlantis for some women and men.  This dramatic piss is starting to upset me, so I will throw the book aside and not reside as the guide, as I must abide by the fact that they don’t have a clue.

Chelssey is another one that would tell me Rob is just full of lies and disguise.  She also doesn’t seem to note that Rob takes things a bit more seriously about hooking up with a gal and invests a great deal of soul into things.  Maybe I should listen to her and not try to meet Rob.  And since this is from my perspective (Natalie’s), the belief of the situation should not be tainted with the advice or opinion of another.  It’s true that Chelssey’s been through a lot and was ready to give herself to him, though I too don’t know what he was thinking in the whole situation.  From her viewpoint, there are probably a bunch of different theories as to why Rob told her ‘don’t hold on too strong’ and I don’t know what they are.  The only thing I know about the situation is that that I’m aware of only one person in the link of the three of us; Myself.  Maybe this is someone that I know, maybe it isn’t.  Perchance I should check in with Chelssey and get her side of the story.  Then again, what does she know about this whole story and how it’s progressed?  I definitely should check in with as many sources as possible before contacting Rob directly.  And to those that find me reading this, please don’t let him know.  If I promise to another to meet Rob, and then don’t meet him, it’d be crushing to him.  Then again a crush is where this all stemmed from.

Brandon Blais too might have some good information on Rob, though again, if I’m not going to find Rob (or haven’t read this) that’s completely irrelevant.  The two of them were chatting on Facebook while this was written.  Rob’s kitten’s name was Winks and lived with another cat named Boots.  The cats were loved and neglected.  Their owner was out of the house too much and still feels guilt.  Although the apartment now holds only one person, there’s the case that some good friends visit.  A place where the night is thrived within (sometimes) and filled with smokes since the cats are gone.  It’s fact that that one place is a haven and has held much of this whole story.  Some of the people that have been in that home are no longer welcome.  Then again some that are wanted to visit, haven’t made the time to do so, while others live so far away that they cannot see the depravity in which it holds.  Ashes all over, the carpets all torn up by two loved and lost, and cards were strewn about.

The Barenaked Ladies – ‘When I Fall’.  Out the window is a church.  A place visited sometimes, yet not recently.  The groups that form there have allowed the crowds to keep at bay.  Some even gave the grace to let others hope and play.  I pray for the day Rob’s grandchildren will say things of love and light that some may never take away.  Granny Bea has been gone for many years, and though the sunset clears the horizon there are some things reprising the situation of this subtle notation with no rebuttal of the elevations.  The shift of the rifts of time and place with the aura to trace, and pace, the space that shall close in on those things that only divinity brings.  Like the wings that allow them to fly to the coronas of our eyes, the seasons and skies in disguise with the rise and fall of breath, and the death of Jane.  The sanity to remain like tears in the rain, yet return to the sound and let the sanity to resound our soul with my own creative control.

At least Rob has a sense of humor.  I didn’t say he has a good sense of humor, just that he has one.  Louis CK was talking about the word ‘hilarious’ when written.  Is it that the net has held the meld of how the belly’s swelled as this gelled well at home?  The mix went to the six, and not the eight, while seven’s to create like those who cannot recreate because of what they state.  I still don’t know why rhymes are used as the words have fused the shoul mentioned in the previous paragraph.  Told that when someone laughs, it also shows the truth on the graphs with the youth mixing staffs like Donatello.  Reset the Concerto… I still don’t know why I read this.  He’s still pissed off with Lisa as ‘that happened’ at the same moment of time while the words are not fused with this rhyme.

There are some things that Rob knows (and/or hopes) that he will never do.  A certain clue is left on the page for those who were at home when the thought started to roam around the MindSound.  A Node in The Contialis in code with an ode to the void as he really really needs to get employed.  While deployed on this mission, there is an omission of how wishing on this star is something that places us Far and Away from where some of the series play.  The day this was written Tanner, Brandon, and Rob were in the place where Winks used to chase Boots.

I can’t find out from them about the gem that is in the hem of how there were Fuzzy Peaches.  It’s true that I am not you, and that I do not know who you are.  You know not the plot, and I don’t even think I should form a plan to meet, yet still even if I choose not to, I wonder also what will be true.

The view of those mentioned too won’t be known other than that that’s sown in a tone of your own internal voice.  There are choices that voices have brought into the keys, yet still again told that it takes two to write and one to read.  Each seed is planted into the page with no stage and the loss of his rage.  There is so much that just yells for him to avoid the belles, as told that some assumption swells in how this gels into the thought that I too have brought.  It used to be that no one could compete with me and his perspective, yet as he continues to live, he understands that wedding bands do not remove the sands Rob is to share and give.

I also wonder when and how the next chapter should be led into, or even if I will catch the view of how some of you too seem to deem the dream is about coffee and not cream.  I hope to understand myself and have also come a long ways since the days this was first started.  Although those parted have also lost the chance to speak, there is a leak in the mana pool that still proves Rob is a fool.  I also don’t know what will happen even two minutes from now, let alone what will happen if I choose to avoid.

Some people are gainfully employed, while some people want to have a job and don’t have one.  Some people complain about having to work, yet too some people ARE blessed and strong in their life.  Then again, some people can’t actually work.

I think that Rob’s made some poor choices like relying on the government to help him.  He should EARN his life and not just rely on imaginary forces and support that have allowed him to get this far.  He relied on credit and an income that he shouldn’t have received because it was his own drug use that messed up his mind.  Even though he takes meds, they also allow him to function well enough to work part-time, and therefore should.  Why would I choose to be with a person who’s been freeloading on imaginary things and hasn’t earned his own life?

From Rob’s perspective, there should be no rational defense or explanation.  He’s lied and cheated his way through life, and even though he escaped death so many times, the rhymes were still that infectious thought that people have wanted shot.

The plan should be the plot and no matter how strong they tie the knots, it too is true that he lived long enough to write this.

I still don’t know if he should be allowed to.  Even if Rob has now at least some comprehension, you will know what happened, and hopefully, share our story.

(Here’s where the book can be found on CreateSpace!)







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