CHAPTER ELEVEN – Countdown Begun!
And then I committed to another process… Sharing this book. If this book is now on Kickstarter to form for those who are to donate, THANK YOU!!! There is the case that a rare few will read this from the campaign, though I still shall look at the intent as a seed. Bryce gave me the idea to form the campaign, and now the chapter’s title holds a different meaning. The countdown, now, is to February 28th, 2017 until when I’ve committed to having the book complete, and the 25th of February at 11 PM when the campaign closes.
Imagine time like being bracketed. The bracket starts to signify a sort of stopping and starting point, and then the close seals it. Having the bracket of time to the 28th allows me to document this process. The word ‘document’ makes me think of Gary, and the campaign was started to earn money to send 60x copies of Fragments of Intent to Gary’s company VaynerMedia, though an intuition guided me to not set that in the written campaign objectives.
To those at VaynerMedia, I only know your CEO through what I’ve seen on the Internet. I have written about him in the second part of the Fountains series, though if the $2,000 Kickstarter goal is reached, that’s only one hurdle. Then (to get to this point) you would have had to actually read the book (which then makes me think of the dandelions again). I hope you too remember Gary’s ‘one is better than zero’ AND at this point I’m the only one!!
Then my next instinct is to encourage you to nurture and care for many more than a few, even though it may be difficult to care for some. Then too, there are some people who’ll read this book who don’t even know who Gary is! One of my friends saw a video of Gary and strongly disliked him. I advocated for Gary, though the opinion could not be swayed. For those who don’t know who Gary Vaynerchuk is, an idea to Google him and check out some of his ideas.
I think of how so many people know Gary and how he’s under a microscope of some people by being up online with such a vast audience. I wonder what will happen if I am brought under the microscope and exposure levels of such high frequency!? How will I respond to having thousands (or in the case of some other people’s cases millions) of people knowing so much about myself? Is this where I’m hiding from video realms and cowering behind the keyboard? Is it that I’ve put so little effort into pushing myself out to the world because I’m terrified of being known? I am one who wants to share truth (of myself and my beliefs) yet am terrified of having an opinion another will not like?
I did, though, put the Kickstarter campaign online, and I shall market it. Like Lewis’ (and Jack’s (and many other people’s opinion)) I not only shall, yet SHOULD push myself past my fears. Maybe that’s another chapter for another book, to write about my fears and purge them from myself onto the screen (and then subsequently share the book? (That causes me anxiousness typing that and this!! (Though haven’t pushed past enough fears yet to track the results of my actions of doing so))).
Though, where this chapter’s title started from was about a different countdown. I had been using a secret Facebook page to track a countdown I started about a year and six weeks ago. I was counting down Christmas day 2017 as a target date to meet Natalie. My Dad did NOT like that idea (and had found out about it from Searching for Tomorrow). This brings the lesson of not being attached to an outcome. Say I did hope and yearn and attach my intents and happiness to whether she made the choice to meet or not. If she found out about my idea and met, okay, cool… I get to meet her! If I didn’t meet here that day, though, it probably would have been due to my own habitual patterns through the years of letting the moments of time pass and not putting in enough effort. I’d probably chalk it up to a pity party of knowing I didn’t think I could achieve anything.
This has changed.
Even though I (kind of harshly) can say I don’t care if I meet her then (or not) it’s because I know I cannot attach a meeting with her to myself with any intent, let alone even with heart. Dad, I know you don’t like me talking about this, though it’s for the other people, not to rehash with you.
I will not seek her out. I’ve made the commitment to work towards different goals (like getting this book done (and put into Fragments of Intent with the first two!)), and even if Natalie is not a goal I’m going to chase, I also won’t be surprised to meet her at some point in my life. The difference is that I almost think I don’t care enough about meeting her or else I would chase the dream. I also now know (and have said and written) that I had stalked her, even if spiritually and not in real locative life. I’m not going after her, or thinking I need to meet her, but if I do meet her one day, it’ll be a very interesting conversation.
(Almost skipped to chapter twelve!)
More fears I have? What if people DO buy this (or other) books and don’t like them? What if people give me (and the online companies that sell the books) the chance to put the books before people, and they are so disappointed they want a refund? What if people DO love the books and I get a fan following that would have a female creeper after me like I had been to/with Natalie? What if I twist my own heart up tight and tensed and find that there ARE going to be people that want my dreams to be assisted?! My request (in polite Canadian fashion) please send an email. (RobertKoyich@Shaw.ca) if you have any questions.
I’m feeling pretty good in this moment. I may have to turn away a few MBFers, though I have a home to live in, I have access to water and food. I am not totally out of available money to buy food (or ciggies) and I note I’ve gone waaayyy off topic. This three-book saga started with me writing from my imagined perspective of Natalie. I was tormented with fear and uncertainty about how or if I could or would find her. I was obsessed and infatuated and actually chose to write a book about it! Why Rob?!
I also have come to be a lot closer to my Freedom Solution. Maybe I’m a bit greedy, though since I’ve nearly found my own, how can I find other people’s Freedom Solutions!! I do check myself a bit, and remember that I am for now still not wealthy with available money, though the freedom of time and the ability to share words with the world are two freedoms I do have.
I may not be able to contact anyone I want to yet, or even have a girlfriend or roommate to talk with at home, though I also have the freedom of knowing I have learned a lot. I have come a very long ways from where I have been (even in the past year, let alone psych ward), and also know that I have an exceptionally long road ahead of myself.
If I’m not going to go after Natalie, then what? I have the goal to sell books, though to who? Why? What benefit will another get from my process books? The thought is, now, that I’m okay with myself, so time to take care of others. The next thought is that having more money allows me to take care of other people. Do you think that a good reason to push the works? If the works don’t have value, though, how will they sell? What (again) of the fear of the books being bought, yet not liked?
I had titled the last two chapters ‘The Fountain Runs Dry’ and ‘Who’d Like to Be My Lovestone?’, yet I’m not clear about forming them now. From my choices made today, I have now written that this book will be included with the first two in a compilation. Is this a joke with the snowy weather and how it’s Frozen and that I’ve finally let it go? I’m terrified of relinquishing the dream from an idea, or rather fear, of what will I dream of next? I do want to finish Fractured Formation, so does that mean The Fountains of Yesterday have been cleared with a very lackluster ending. No cliffhanger? No marketing scheme or plot to extend this series… Just, kind of like, okay, I’m done?
The freedom of knowing some of the sowing is complete finds that many of the fields have been planted. Now, perchance, a night to rest well (and get to tending the soil tomorrow). I must be careful to not overextend, over-tend, or over-water. I must heed the temperatures of others and ask what seeds they want. I may not have the type of seeds they want, though do we each turn into seed merchants. “What would you like to grow? I have these seeds!” “Oh! That would do well in my garden!”
The peace of God upon us all, even when we forgot to fall before flying so tall into the first steps of how we crawl. The pit to sit nine, yet the signs left along the way are not tomorrow or today. The way the words play and weave to cleave truth from deceit. The fact of believing in people and restoration instead of wishing them to defeat. The feat of allowing love to leave, so the tree may grow strong and true; even if not capitalized upon by treating like another like a pawn for many few.
The Deep Blue View… A Digital Paradigm. A climb up and out like a sprout from the soil to remind others to not let their, or my (or other’s) blood boil. I may toil and task and develop the ability to ask, yet the envelope and the flask shall share how you write of the Mask. I thank you too for the gifts you have given. 1 out of every 70 people livin’! I pray wellness for your Shivan, and thank you for letting me do what I do. I note the deep breath may take death away from the play. There is not always going to be another day, yet for the time we are left here on Earth to play, pray, and stay, I also ask that they live forever in every way.
I am a student to teach. Some a vital disciple to reach. From the top of the fuzziest peach, and the facts that compound their intellectual breach. I cannot change the past. Neither can you. Though we can forgive, understand, and refuse to let others force us to paths that would have ourselves be untrue. I may not be able to show it true enough to some, yet the ideas of above shall share and show us each who is a dove.
Love, light, luck, and life to you kind sir! I will find my lovestone, even if it’s not her.
We have been lost and tossed aside
The depths of my depravity and my pride
Sorrow not something to borrow
Though we wear it well
The understandings of the tide
The earning and acquisition to confide
Something tells me that tomorrow
Is something of which to tell
The bells clamor in the wind
Some have stood tall, yet still had spun
The unions of the shell
And how this now may too soon be done
I cannot fathom the reaches of the universe
For I have not been there
Eternity from a moment
For which they have already been
The signs left along the way…
Hansel and Gretel
A kettle to boil up and over…
Yet still they catch the will
One they had called Super Grover.