(A late post… the second last chapter in the third Fountain book!)
CHAPTER TWELVE – Stubborn as a Mule, Free as a Lark
(Started to done February 18th, 2017 between 2:50 AM and 4:09 AM)
I was to call this chapter The Fountain Runs Dry, though changed it just now. 2:51 AM it is at this point. I am and am not okay with this. There may be a delicate balance of chasing one’s dreams and also asserting one’s force to do what we want to do. The layer of being free to do and say and write what one wishes, and the consequences of pushing forward, even against our own intuition.
When I was growing up, a saying my Mom had was: “Behaviours have consequences.” Other people advise also that we will see the results of our actions, both positive and negative. Tonight I made the choice to write this chapter after a long day way after I should be in bed if I am to assert the habit of sleeping eight hours and being up before nine in the morning. I will use my time well, and also will share the deconstruction and breakdown of my situation in this chapter.
The life that I’m living is one that may be looked down at by some, while an inspiration to others. I am on PWD (disability) and am not holding a full-time job. My own need for freedom (emotionally, mentally, and reactively) restricts me. The yearning for my own Freedom Solution (to earn money in the way I want to (books and music)) is in line with some other ‘online’ advice. Do what you love, and find a way to earn from it.
What I have been doing is also a lot of work. I have in the past few months not had all night sessions (from a SofG podcast about sleep) and also have seeded some things that I will 100% always forward. One thing I committed to is to read for one hour a day, and also to learn languages for one hour a day. The 100% commitment made is to have these two things done EVERY day. Because I committed to doing so, I was home near 12:30 AM today after an event. I had completed my reading, though hadn’t my language lessons. I finished them both for today.
Going back to chapter two of this book, the link to chemicals. From my want of caffeine (and availability of cigarettes) and the sheer fact I still know my druggie side of myself, I made the choice also to stay up after 2 AM to do something that is consequential; writing this chapter. I also note the level of ‘self-destruct’ the choice may have on myself. I accept the consequences of my super late night, and also (when writing) feel the edge on my flesh that tells me that it’s the right choice.
I have a lot I will share with the world. I have the intent, the attitude, and am learning the lessons. I will also make the time (and effort) to share these lessons. I remind you that this book and series is all about me. The free as a lark bit is how I can (literally) do or write or say anything that I want to with the formation of the books in this series. The stubborn as a mule part is how I still have my own will to push against the pressures of my presupposed life to do what I want (and also carry a heavy load that few could handle). I also add that I’m like a stone flower. One that is set and solid in time and faith, and also could be crumbled very easily. The beauty of stone something I admire.
I did have near eight days remaining in the Kickstarter I formed for the book Fragments of Intent. I still haven’t evolved very far in my ability to market and generate income (even donations of love) from people, and I have almost zero faith that the Kickstarter goal of $2,000 will be met. I am okay with this. With the lesson to learn how to be okay with any result is being used with this book and process. If the goal IS met, then I put these first three books into a compilation and fulfill the promise made for the rewards of the campaign.
If the $2,000 is not met, then I shall keep the commitment of forming Fragments of Intent as the compilation book for The Fountains of Yesterday series. This is my preference, though the stubborn part is that I will not take down the Kickstarter campaign. I find my own dichotomy also of not yet having a solid plan, yet a myriad of hope and idea. The fragments of my tapestry shall weave the fortified notions of never-existing moments of time solidified in the text. Though you will know how this book ends by reading it, I didn’t know what the next line was going to be yet, let alone be able to track the message of what the last chapter of this book is to be.
When we write books, I’ve heard that it being referred to as the author ‘downloading’ their ideas and work. #Hacked. Incepted moments of time and intent will counteract assuredness with the fact that we can be interjections into the context of decades of time, even with the slip of one moment of free will. I am stubborn in that I refuse to give up. I am stubborn in that there are some things and behaviours I grip onto and refuse to change (e.g. the use of spelling behaviours and honour with a ‘U’ even though that’s a British (or Canadian) spelling (thinking of books being read by people that spell with American English)). The refusal to give into the will of all to make me fall away from my rhymes when the climbs up to the mountain top have yet to drop into her perception.
I know that mentioning some things in a book will be there in text for anyone to read. Though I do heed that I have grown up into an infantile wish of knowing love, I also have tumbled down the staircase of my own depravity finding that I also seem to wish it didn’t matter.
I have learned so much, have made such growth and progress, and because of my lack of patience, I form actions that seem to shred the lifelines and also throw away the very things that keep my poetry from landing in the hands of my own lovestone. My own creative inspiration then told me to finish this chapter tonight, and write the last one of this book as a message to my future girlfriend or wife. I like the idea a lot and think of the husky and the sled photo. That photo is a meme that says “Oh! You ran a marathon?! How heavy was the sled?” A solid metaphor for the moment of now; to plough through this chapter and go on a journey of completing this book tonight, even if it takes me to 9 AM. It may seem foolish, yet another SofG lesson (or rather idea) was about how nothing epic happens before 2 AM.
Lewis!! You have guided me so so well, I just haven’t heeded you (or Jack (or Tony (or my parents (or my own intuition!)))) very well. This mule that I am, chained to all my devices and vices has an urge to fly free of the shackles and be one of the pterodactyls that fills the waves of sand to fuel a dual. This book will be completed in base form tonight. I will edit in the next few days, though the base of this fountain will be complete by the time this session is done. Commitments we make to move the real into the wake.
I still have fears that people want me to be dead. I have so many things that I’ve experienced that people would classify as delusion. There are some behaviours of people that they wish would not be revealed, yet when other people wield such actions, I will have to reveal them to form divisional factions. I have been told that people don’t understand my rhymes and that I should English, yet I’ve also been told to be myself. To keep is surreal, and not just real!! (I don’t want to own a mountain, though is she cute?!?!)
Yeah… this is the good plan. To write the remainder of this chapter, write the last chapter as a message to my future girlfriend (one step at a time, instead of hard noding to wife status) and surge some of the lessons I’ve learned since I put out the first book.
I am not financially successful when I wrote this. I had no girlfriend yet. I did have a shitload of people metaphysically molesting me through the two years prior, and I also have some secrets to reveal.
I have a hesitancy of mentioning the molestation, though it’s a very real thing, and I want to disclose some things to prevent the same things from happening to others. My story is one where I’ve had what I call MBFers at me far too often. I cannot prove this, it’s just a theory, though (from my perspective) the evidence is very clear.
An MBFer is a Metaphysical Butt Fucker. This is a term I’ve used through the years and it does get misinterpreted. MBF could mean ‘My Best Friend’, though, to me, an MBFer is a highly disrespectful person that metaphysically molests people. This action should NOT be tolerated, and it’s really difficult to deal with. If a real physical person violates another person, there can be a physical retaliation or defense made against that person. With MBFing, there is no physical actual person there to push away or fight against. MBFing is in the spiritual realm and something that some people use to gain control over another.
I have been dealing unsuccessfully with this for a long time, and though it turns myself into a bucket of vulgarity and hate, it’s something I’ve not yet found a solution to. I have tried praying to God (the Cards Against Humanity joke of ‘praying the gay away’), I’ve tried to evade the spirits and shift my body position away from the energies, and I’ve also reacted vocally in very explicit requests for people to leave me alone and “Get the fuck away from me!”
I have seen (and felt) this behaviour from some people in the ‘real’ world. To understand the concept, think of people ‘diddling’ others while they are in a line in the coffee shop. Watch how people will adjust their positioning to get away from these spiritual rapists. Note how some people will stand closer to try to get close and invade another. This is a real thing, and I pray well that you never have to deal with the situation.
I want to share ways of dealing with this issue so that others need not feel someone constantly trying to get in their asshole. The act of diddling is never going to be a good one. It insights hate and animosity, and the diddlers have so many ways of excusing themselves from blame. If it’s my need, want, and obligation to be 100% responsible for what happens to me, and I have a great difficulty dealing with MBFers, I must work to find other solutions to the issue.
Some who MBF others may make claims that the other wants the action, and I also have encountered others who will MFB and then blame it on another. The tricky part of this is that those who MBF may wish this action to be kept secret or classified as a delusion so that they are not found out for their misbehavior. I am taking a chance by sharing this with readers in that I may be ridiculed or judged for an action that is totally inappropriate. Rape is rape. When someone says ‘No’, respect it. Due to MBFing being in the spiritual realm, it is much harder to prove and I warn you, those that MBF are (and pardon me for swearing here) exceptionally sneaky and deceptive sacks of shit.
In my first book, I did use 30 f-bombs, and I don’t want to use any swear words in my future books. Some things, though, may need to be explicitly stated. If someone is at your back, and you don’t want them to be, I want to give you the advice and ideas to keep them away. I may be one of the exceptionally few people that have felt this metaphysical molestation, though if I can find a way of stopping the behaviour for others, it’s worth the chance of shame, ridicule, or mockery. We get what we tolerate, and I refuse to tolerate those who metaphysically (or physically) molest other people.
Rewinding back to creative… I had that thought when I gave this chapter the title. That I’m stubborn as a mule (an ass). I am a horse, not a mule… please quit treating me like an ass. I’m also a Taurus by the zodiac. Bulls HATE people trying to ride them (and often have zero choice if the ‘cowboy’ is going to ride them). I am a very accepting (and far too forgiving) person, though I am not going to tolerate the metaphysical behaviours that have hounded me. “If you want to be part of the solution, you will be”. Therefor, I will take the risk of sharing this information and experience to find out who is doing the do and stopping them from pillaging others the way they have me. (BTW, this MBFing happens even when I am at home alone… It’s not something that only will occur only when a person is near. It is a spiritual atrocity that must be stopped).
And the free as a lark bit? Just know, a little birdy told me about who you are and what you are doing. I will not tolerate your behaviour, and be warned… those who do MBF, you will be found out. I preach PLU8R, and the R’s of PLU8R do include reciprocity and reciprocation, though be warned too that retribution is a very real thing (and not something I need to give to you (you will find your karma back upon yourself… I need not do it myself)).
So yeah… messed up situation. I don’t know how to reverse what people have done to me, though I can let others know that such things go on so that the kind and good and true people can help defend others against the behaviour. Jack, you’re equation of E + R = O is in this chapter. The event (MBFing) and my multitude of attempts at different R’s (responses) haven’t formed the O (outcome) yet of what I want regarding PLU8R, so I try sharing this information so that others need not have the E (event) upon themselves.
If our world can expose the secret behaviours of others, then maybe we can form the world to be more PLU8Rfect. Peace in every nation, love for every race, the unity of every creed, respect for every religion, responsibility for every thought, word, deed, and action. Representation of every perspective, reciprocity based on meritocracy, reciprocation of every positive action, relevation of every good experience, and revelation of every truth. There too shall be the rationalization of every notion, reparations for every wrong deed, and restoration of the balance of PLU8R itself for every community, tribe, and individual. That’s what global PLU8R is, though few know it up to this point.
Anyhow… I have a message to write to my girlfriend. You can read it in the next chapter… Although, first, I’m going to have a cup of tea.