CHAPTER TWO – Please Don’t Tell Me to Stop…
(This chapter formed May 25th, 2017 as my own personal commitment to my own process).
Some say that we need to heal and help ourselves before we can help, heal, or love others. I am not clear if I agree.
#NotAdulting… I make the choice to focus on my work (and share some ideas).
As many of us have lived on this planet for more than ten years, it also doesn’t mean that we’ve not lived only one life. This chapter is a personal chapter. Not to preach my ideas or ethics. No call to action. It stems from the advice of tonight to “Do what you love, and love what you do”-Josie Savoir. I also have recently been given the advice to share more of my heart and to let the force and coursing currents of my own soul fuel what I do.
I open myself up to the Universe in a call for faith. I ask for the insight, guidance, and blessings of what is right and good for many more than a few, and not just myself. I ask the Universe to clearly place each letter and sequence and moment of time to assist the fact I know that these books are each a pact made.
Though we wade in the water of what we hear and say, the senses blend and find the Pearl to come astray. I feel the full union of soul in the moment of how we know that maybe I am the field, and that the world is planting the seeds with time as the plough. I will not be too poetic, yet I also must heed my own intuition of the saxophone reed. Bill, I may call on you for help. Please do not turn a cold heart or response towards me. I have repeated this a lot and will continue to do so.
“We are all on the same planet.”-Leslie Park.
The quote was given to me on a DMT trip. It reminds me that the world IS unified in its state of being in one similar way. Every life is separate and distinct, yet we are all linked by this. If we are a human and are, or have been alive, we each know the one thing of life.
My focused ideas have been upon the human condition. I acknowledge too the forces of heaven and Earth and must trust in the other animal signs and guides also. Some people don’t like crows. I do.
Crows have guided me the inner workings of my soul and life of reciprocity. An idea for A Distant Glimmer (The 6th Fountain) is to have each chapter to be a word from the PLU8R credo and philosophy. Darnell is one who knows that philosophy is very valuable; especially when we know what our own values and ideas are. My Freedom Solution includes making what I want to make, and for whom I want to make it (my creative freedoms). I also note from Randy Pausch (RIP: 2008) that rights come with responsibility. Bizarrely, I don’t even have a full comprehension or belief that I have an entitlement to my own rights. I still consider myself to be an exceptional example of a mysterious and wonderful grace that has allowed me what I have. An eternal gratitude for the fact I am allowed to be and exist.
Instead of preaching what I think people should do, or to try to give you advice about how you could live, I think I (even for my own selfish personal benefit) should tell you the ‘whys’ of what I do. I want to share my reasons for performing some actions and to tell you the reasons for my intent instead of proclaiming what I want you or myself to do.
I am a person who has been clouded and withheld by fear. I also am baffled by the fact that I am still alive. I have a want of other people to have their lives tended to and supported, for I know the gladness and deep thankfulness I have for my life being taken care of. I have been loved and cared for and tended to. I know the value of what others have done for my through my own amazing awareness of the awesome grace and blessings that I have been given. Even if not always conscious of it, I am eternally afraid that my gratitude is not of a magnitude great enough to assure that I will continue to be able to live the life I have.
My want of others to thrive is so that we can magnify and share. It does not make sense to me why I am so fortunate. The online gurus and coaches would say that we all create the lives we live. They also tell us to focus on gratitude and to hone in on the things we like and love to produce more of that. I also recall a message to a friend I wrote that said: “It is okay to want things.” I still believe this.
I want people to know the gratitude that I can feel so that they will want to share PLU8R with others also. PLU8R is explained in the other books, though if this is the first time you’ve encountered the word/term, the base is Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect. Combining the element of my own fearful nature and my capacity for gratitude, the truth is that I’m so exceptionally glad for the life that I have, that I want others to have that awareness and ability to be so glad that they want to make other people’s lives amazing so that those people will be able to be PLU8R.
As I wrote this, I found a deep deep fear of losing my own position of life. Even though I am at home and able to hear music, have coffee (I even have smokes), and know that I have my creative freedom to write, I also have a resonant fear in my soul of others wanting to end my life. My fear of others wanting the life that I have… this then draws out from myself the fact that I want others to have an amazing life too so that another’s envy of what I have will not resort them to violence.
This awareness is different … There are laced three reasons for wanting other people to be prosperous too.
I want people to be prosperous so that we don’t need to ask from others.
I want people to be prosperous so that we can choose to help other people.
I want people to be prosperous so that others will not need to take or ask from ourselves.
I also want people to be prosperous so that they will be glad about their lives and not feel resentment about those who have lives that they love.
I have a big fear about envy. When I find myself aware of the fear of what others think or say (or feel) about my life, I also coach myself back to being glad and grateful for what I have. This shift away from my own neurosis and back to what I can do for another is also a coping mechanism. By distracting myself from my own fears and issues is almost sweeping the dust under the rug.
I need to perform more inner work. I need to shed more falsities and resentments. I need to find my own faults, expose them, and burn them clear from my own being. Is that why I smoke? There is (for an in me) a great audacity to do what I do. I cannot (and will not) claim sovereignty over another person, place, or thing. I do accept entire responsibility for what I do, have done, and will do. This again brings fear to me, yet my determination of some of the ‘R’s of the PLU8R credo will help me balance my own self.
When I am alone creating these books, there are no other people to interject. I can play full ‘blue mage’ roll (and role) with these books when I write and not need to be fearful of interrupts. I can put my full thought, intent, and energy into forming what I want the Universe to know. Not just you, not just me, yet rather to push out my full introversial network and hone what my own self-wants to say. I know a vast majority of what I do is selfish. I weirdly use the English language that way by claiming almost anything that is for my own benefit is selfish. Self-ish. My own ‘self’ (my own benefit) and the ‘ish’ which is the issue discussed.
When I form my intents for my own gain, even if secondarily, I still have a belief that negative will befall me. I wish to be alive in 2053, and to do so I will (must) work for others. It is NOT my planet, yet if I consider myself a vassal and servant to the world, and allow the Universe and God (dare I even include Allah) to use me as a conduit for good, then I will remain alive. My own most basic want, to live, being the foundation.
Christians would say that grace is given, not earned. I know I have been granted an exceptional amount of grace, and as am glad to have been given it so, I wish (R of PLU8R; Reciprocation), that it be granted for others too. I do believe in equality, and my own fear of the scales having been tipped so far in my own favour, that I have a fear of another R; Retribution.
I note that Retribution is not an R of PLU8R. Redemption is. Reciprocity is. Rationalization is also an R of PLU8R, and as a human with a mind, part of my work is to make sense of myself and others. Back to the first sentence of this chapter: “Some say that we need to heal and help ourselves before we can help, heal, or love others”, I layer an agreement. I must first be able to accord PLU8R in full regard in my own being as a prerequisite of my own earning of life.
I must be a vassal and servant for Peace. I must develop and learn and cultivate my own understanding of Love. I must strive to work for, and not against, Unity. I also must foster, cultivate, and share mutual Respect. My own Responsibility is vital to and for this.
It is not a right to life that keeps me alive. If some believe I do have a right to life, please let that be something they can keep as a belief to help keep me alive.
When I was growing up, I would not get grounded. My parents phrased it as ‘taking away my privileges’. My own value and appreciation for having what I have is something that will grow through time. I hope others want to share the things they appreciate. Rewinding back to ideas earlier in this section, there is a strong component that I want others to also be glad for the lives that they have. For those that don’t have lives they love, I want to help them find their way towards being glad for the lives they have.
My focus on resources has been an overtly known topic. The spiritual and soulful feelings and appreciations also are something I’d like others to experience. There is a challenge of accurately conveying what we feel though to another person. It’s the case that every person on Earth is explicitly in their own shell of a body. We can try to articulate with words what our thoughts are, yet the feeling of who we are and how we are in the world are (often) explicitly our own to know.
I added the word ‘often’ because of my own psychosis. During my psychotic episodes (and some mushroom and acid trips) I had found myself transforming entirely into different people and felt as if I was them, and not myself. This may still have been entirely imagination, yet my experiences of ‘becoming’ other people are clear in memory. Even if it was me imagining what other people were like, it’s the closest I’ve ever been to ‘being’ another person.
We can hear what a person says. What they say may not be what they feel. We sometimes may think, or even know, that what another person is saying is not the truth. Many people do lie and use deception. Many of these deceits may be lost and not perceived. There also is the case of when a person tells us the truth, yet we don’t believe them. Another key point of truth I’d like to share is that what is true in one moment of time, may not be true at another point. What is fact can change, just as we, as people, change, evolve, and shift.
Another strange point to consider about us, our truths, our bodies, and our beings. As we change and evolve in the future, we also may have changed some of our truths in the past. The wild and wonderful notion that you have been in the exact same body from birth until now in the life you are currently living. I’ve played with this idea in a semi-random question I ask of some people: “Who are you today?”
I was born as Robert. I still am Robert. Who Robert is by nodal physical form is the same human that was born 39 years ago. The many different people that have encountered me on Earth each may have a concept of who I am. A lot of what they believe(d) of me may be fact. A lot of what some have believed may have been false. The vast array of who or what people think I am do not change the fact of who I am. I am myself, just as you are yourself.
What was true or viewed of myself a decade ago is still bundled under other people’s beliefs and opinions of who I am, or rather, who I was. Regarding ourselves, there are parts of us that have not yet surfaced. We (can) dig deep and find more truths about ourselves and the process of self-reflection can aid us in learning about our own truths. Other’s feedback can tell us of things we don’t know about ourselves. As our opinions and truths shift, we do change in how we will act with those new beliefs.
I also recall being told that commitments can change. The reason for that statement is due to my December 14th, 2016 income commitment. I think now of wanting to change that commitment and writing up a new contract. Renegotiating with myself. The 4th Fountain will stay as putting the full amount of earnings towards the Seed Fund. In the December 14th commitment, the 3rd Fountain wasn’t even done. The choice I made six months ago was based on the state of my intents at that exact moment. My own lack has called me to wonder if I’ve not cared enough for myself and my own future.
I’ll use the rest of this chapter to share the renegotiation of the parameters.
First things first, for those that don’t know what the Dec 14th commitment was, here are the parameters I promised to:
10% of all my personal income goes to Victory Church.
25% of all money past PWD and $250 are to Freedom Fund
15% of all money past PWD and $250 go to Seed Funds
Book Earnings and Sales:
$5 of Shared Node Hardcopies go towards Seed Funds
$5 of Shared Node Hardcopies go to Freedom Fund
30% of online book sales go to the Seed Fund
30% of online book sales go to Freedom Fund
$3 per Fountain Hardcopy go to Seed Fund
$3 per Fountain Hardcopy go to Freedom Fund
Music Sales and Earnings:
50% of promo code sales go to the owner of the code used
30% of my portion of Bandcamp sales go to Seed Fund
30% of my portion of Bandcamp sales go to Freedom Fund.
These parameters were set after Searching for Tomorrow and before From the Valley to the Fountain (the 2nd and 3rd Fountains)
Up to the point of now (May 25th, 2017), I admit to how my money had been used in accordance with this commitment. Primarily, I have fully honoured the Seed Fund money. 15% of all of my extra money earned through work (snow shoveling and some landscaping) and also additional money (gifts and also 15% of all eBay earnings) were given entirely to the Seed Fund. The Seed Fund is possibly the most crucial part of my income declaration, and I have fully honoured it.
My Freedom Fund, however, I blatantly stole almost every cent from myself to finance my life with my current income level. Two days ago I reset the debt that I owe to myself for the money that I stole from my Freedom Fund (which is the fund for my future self). As of right now, my Freedom Fund balance is $12.91. That $12.91 is my entire savings that I have for myself for the future. I want to shift and restructure my income commitment to fully honour myself as well as others.
The third % in the initial income declaration is 10% of my post-PWD and $250 earnings towards Victory Church. I did also honour that commitment.
With my wish that the advice I was given, that we can change our commitments, and that the idea of remembering to set timelines to commitments, I shall now form my revised Income Declaration. I use capital letters for that (Income Declaration) as like how I use capital letters for Freedom Solution and Seed Fund. These three ideas are vital to myself and how I will act and behave with my financial situation here on Earth. I invite others to form their own three too.
The need to revise my own Income Declaration comes from the fact that I know I am in a difficult financial situation of my own lack and need and also how when I made the initial income declaration I hadn’t known Seeds of Tomorrow would be used 100% for the Seed Fund. Sometimes we do need to restructure our priorities.
Here is my Income Declaration for May 25th, 2017 until November 25th, 2017.
100% of the earnings from Seeds of Tomorrow go to the Seed Fund. (non-personal $ (no tithe))
25% of my own personal income (non-book or music) (non-PWD and $250) à Freedom Fund.
10% of my own personal income (non-book or music) (non-PWD and $250) à Victory Church.
100% of the earnings from A Distant Glimmer go to Pencils of Promise. (non-personal $ (no tithe))
30% of my book earnings (online and hard copy (other than Seeds of Tomorrow, Fields of Formation, and A Distant Glimmer)) will go to the Seed Fund.
10% of my book earnings (online and hard copy (other than Seeds of Tomorrow, Fields of Formation, and A Distant Glimmer)) will go to Victory Church.
25% of my book earnings (online and hard copy (other than Seeds of Tomorrow, Fields of Formation, and A Distant Glimmer)) will go to Freedom Fund.
50% of all total earnings from ‘owned’ promo codes for my music go to the ‘owner’ of the code.
10% of all of my earnings from online music sales go to Victory Church.
25% of all of my earnings from online music sales go to Freedom Fund.
30% of all of my earnings from online music sales go to Seed Fund.
10% of all CD sales will go to Victory Church.
25% of all CD sales will go to Freedom Fund.
The remainder of my CD sales will go to my own self.
This means that I’ve reclaimed the 15% from my personal income (including gifts, GST, or other money) back to myself (from the Seed Fund). I found having personal access to only 50% of my additional earnings from the previous declaration (like when I sold my car) was a high restriction.
Concessions also now are made for the full 100% allocations of funds for both Seeds of Tomorrow and A Distant Glimmer; both books were not yet formed for the Dec 14th, 2016 formation. The 100% allocation from these books will override the books funding 10% to Victory Church as the works will not generate any income for me personally.
One thing I will add (that is a selfish commitment and notion) is that I also want to achieve my dreams and not sacrifice too much of myself. My own dreams of building the Glass House and also wanting to have a car again are not something I think I can do personally without help and support. As the last part of my income declaration with this work is the following override:
10% of Fields of Formation will go to Victory Church.
25% of Fields of Formation will go to my Freedom Fund.
65% of Fields of Formation will go to my Dream Fund for my next car and the Glass House.
I note this is a selfish action, though I need and want to invest in my own future too. At the point of typing this, I cannot yet fathom myself selling enough books to reach my $2,500 a month goal of personal income that is not funded by PWD and the other book sales. Relying on the previous allocation of only 30% from books and music would require me earning $8,333 per month to finance my own Freedom Solution for the next two to three years. (An income of $2,500 a month is my Freedom Solution number for the next two years).
My hope is your forgiveness for not funding enough to the Seed Fund and thinking of my own wants for my next home and also to be able to drive again. The 65% to Dream Fund (to buy a car and then to start the fund for the Glass House) also includes my own Freedom Fund by allocating 25% of the earnings towards my future. The specific allocation of money from sales of this book is what will help me start moving towards my own future of prosperity. THANK YOU!!!
So, as now 12:30 AM on the morning of May 26th, 2017, I still have my daily hour of Italian lessons to complete before bed. I have shifted back to aiming for going to bed before midnight in the past couple weeks, though tonight I wanted to form some more written work.
Thank you for helping me with my journey and dreams. Though this book is the one that will now (after restructuring my Income Declaration) fuel some of my personal dreams, I hope you can read some of the other books that I’ve written to fund others also with what I’ve made.
With my gladness for what I do have and where I am, I also fear I may not take great enough care of myself and my own wants and needs. Why do I do this? Because I would urge others to find their own solutions towards freedom (with some help from others!)