(Chapter four of the 4th Fountain; Seeds of Tomorrow)
Bri Severn, THANK YOU! Bri bought the first online copy of Fragments of Intent yesterday! It dearly gladdened my heart! A happy-light-foolish and gleeful smile!
I’ve been at the bookwork for two to three years now, though I’ve not, so much, been working on promotion. It was CreateSpace I used to publish my first book Finding Natalie in 2016. I had some loving support from friends Ali and Josh to get printed copies of the first book, though we’re still on the journey.
The big hairy audacious goal of the Seed Fund is to house 250,000 people and give them homes so they need not live on the street. I’ve estimated that the cost of accommodating a person is $850 for rent per month in our local community, though I also want to help further. For each person helped with a Full Seed, we need $15,128 per person per year. Since money from some of the books goes to Providing Point, the program to help those in need, it means that when more books sell we’ll be able to provide for more people.
For right now, as only the very first book has sold, it seems like a considerable distance from the point of housing the first person. At the time when I first typed this section, we had $74.76 in the fund for Providing Point and $58 in gift cards. I wonder how we shall give future allocations and gifts, and how and what we provide clarifies as this evolves.
There was a report made for Chilliwack’s Social Research and Planning Council that allows insight into the situation. Though the file is about two years old, some valuable information is found in the document. The night I read the report, I started the Excel file for the Seed Fund to track ideas for how we use the fund now and in the future.
I have some concerns about how some might respond, though, if a person receives help from Providing Point, and another doesn’t. I have faith that we’ll be able to work and form a dialogue, discussion, and solution to arising issues, and I’ve talked about the idea with some people who know what it’s like to live without a home.
With my responsibility for the Seed Fund, I need to ask and garner support. Sales can bring money into the fund itself, yet I have an idea to ask other companies, individuals, and organizations about helping too. Another friend told me that they think it may be best to give money to a different and already existing group in town since logistics are a concern.
My thoughts on this idea shift into super-long-term ideas; that the Seed Fund idea is to expand outside our local community. From Jack Canfield and Lewis Howes’ advice of writing 30 things I want to do, 30 things I want to have, and 30 things I want to be, I had written ‘To earn enough money with my creative work to house 1,000 people.’ I also wrote ‘to be the founder of a charity that provides homes for 250,000 people.’ We know this isn’t something I’ll be able to do on my own, though I have faith that as we gather enough heart, care, work, and love, that we can accomplish these objectives.
I then for some reason thought forward to a different personal goal I have that scares me a bit too: The Glass House. I mentioned the Glass House in Fragments of Intent and wanted to devote a full chapter to describing it in the future, even if not in this book. I have a concern about having the audacity to have these seemingly irrational goals.
The online lessons from the personal development field recommend having huge goals that seem far out of our reach, and I agree with the advice. I have a belief that if we set massive goals for the future, then those wishes and hopes become guideposts to use and direct ourselves, and others, into a positive future.
There are some, though, that don’t have aspirations, dreams, or goals. There’s a vast difference in the lives that each of our experiences is here on Earth, and even in our local communities, there’s a drastic difference between people and how they are enduring. When people have a stable home and enough to eat and drink, their attitudes can also be drastically different.
With some friends, I see that they’re just scraping by and are in the trap of having to work. There are some that are okay with their lives, yet I think of how they’re just maintaining. Some people don’t have drive and aspirations and are okay with keeping their lives the same. I must remember that success is entirely different for each person.
One friend that I’ve been quite critical of recently gave me some insight and shifted my heart a bit. From my judgmental viewpoint, I was a bit pissed off and frustrated that they were doing so little from my perspective. People think that of me too. This same friend, though, reminded me of some things that I had neglected to note about them.
They have a home to live within, they’ve stayed drug-free, and they’ve kept themselves out of the psych ward. They are engaged in life and have ideas and plans for the future, even if not so extravagant as my own. The individual also has some of the battles with addiction that I’ve had, and they have made significant progress. I had gotten biased and critical because the friend was not having the same magnitude of aspirations as myself.
I note that even though I have goals, hopes, dreams and wants, I’m a bit inward too. I’ve said in the past that I want to help some people and work with them to build their lives, yet I, in my situation, have lacked stepping up sometimes.
I’ve not yet had the successful business, the fantastic and beautiful relationship, or, at the point of when written, even had kids or pets. If the Glass House is meant to be a place for people to gather and build lives, we’ll need to collect these skillsets. One argument is that if we make the Glass House in 2025, that I have the next years to gain, earn, and learn more abilities to share with others.
I’m often tangential and have formed scrabbled words with what I write. What happens if it trips people up or upset them? Is it kind of weird and pleasing for some people to read this as we tumble down the rabbit hole? Who am I telling these things? The stream of these pages makes me believe my work is like a tapestry.
When I type some sentences, I have a few other ideas in my mind that I want to share. Issues confuse, and I hold a concern about the repetition of topics. I don’t want to mention the same thoughts or people too much, and, when in rhyme mode, have used the similar fragments and sequences of words.
I note with the editing of Fragments of Intent that I made many references to my creative work. I’m way too self-focused. Additionally, I also am aware that my mind is like a bit of a gnarled mesh of wires; it’s fused with different pathways that lead to foundational work. It drives me to say: “All the random makes sense!”
Then, back to the topic of success, I think I’m both far too obsessed and slack. I’m exceptionally neurotic and mental, yet I also sometimes have zero clues as to where I should focus my energy. I push for success, and I also don’t want to force the process with too much push promotion.
I’ve also been wishing, and not working, for my Freedom Solution. I’ve been so lax about hustling and doing things. I look up to Gary Vaynerchuk and some other online people, though the amount of effort I’ve put into life is tiny in comparison. The Ultimate Advice for Every 22-Year-Old audio file also reminds us we should not compare our lives to others.
Gary advocates the ideas that we need to know about ourselves (self-awareness) and ‘hustle hustle hustle!’ We need to put in the work, yet I find I’m just coasting. If I want to have substantial success and fuel the Seed Fund with more than enough, maybe that’ll motivate me to work harder and earn the privilege to be one to help house people.
Just as success is different for each person, so is motivation. My self-awareness recently is that I have a strong desire to talk about my ideas and discuss substantial futures, goals, visions, and dreams, yet with whom am I meant to speak with about them? Finding people to work with is something I need and want to discover as part of my Freedom Solution.
I have found some answers, though if you’re one to have already read what I write, then you already know that I go throughout a bunch of ideas and that I use my books to help me sort out my inner world. Like, for this chapter, I thought I’d gone so far away from the title Who Shall I Tell This To?, though I spun back to the previous paragraph saying how these books are the channel I use to share.
Those who read my books, including myself, are the ‘who’ I’m telling since we read these books. I also must find other ways and channels to talk and process these ideas of the Seed Fund and Providing Point. I need to level up.
I don’t want to abuse attention. I have the idea also (yes, a Vaynerchuk one too) to learn to listen and let others be the ones to teach and share. We learn extraordinary amounts of life from people if we give them the chance to speak! It may, now, be a rare commodity for us to have people talk to us, or for us to talk to sometimes.
As I’ve been growing up, I note that even I’ve sometimes gotten sick and tired of hearing my self-speak. I also have pushed away so many people by talking so much about my ideas and wonder if we form restoration.
I think the medium of printed text is the best channel I can use. I can write anything I want to; people don’t need to read it if they don’t want to, and for those that do want to process the books, they have access to an extensive amount of the thoughts that run through my mind by reading them.
There also are far fewer interruptions to what I’m saying when I type. The benefits of having the ability to form ideas and books are substantial, though the process relies on the creations having value. That’s where this experimental exposition helps us learn and share.
I’d like to talk with some more people in person, and though I don’t have a strong need of being in the company of people, some do. Maybe it’s because I’m not so much searching for people, or perhaps I’ve gotten used to my comfort zone of just reading, studying, and writing without being around others.
If I’ve cut off some friends from mooching from me, I’ve also lost some of the conversations with them that I would have had if they came over for cigarettes. There’s also a layer of how I also ‘lost’ my car friends by going without a car since June 2016. A weird thing for me, though, is that I can often see opposite sides of ideas and situations.
One friend a few days ago was alluding that they were out of cigarettes, and I projected that they were reaching out wanting me to offer them smokes without them having to ask. It seemed like they were fishing.
Three things about that; One) I don’t want to be used by people just for resources. Two) it was in my capacity to help them. Three) I also didn’t want to form an unhealthy dependency or expectation. These three things seem to contradict my statements of intending to be a giver and helping people. The main issue was their fishing; they didn’t want to ask and seemed to expect the resources. I like it when people are direct with their wants. If you want something, please ask. Also, accept if the answer is ‘no.’
I think of the idea of co-dependent friendship. If a person is using another for resources, it can be pretty aggravating unless both people agree to it. Respectful boundaries are vital and valuable, and guilt-tripping another into offering isn’t a call to compassion, it’s manipulation. It’s also true that sometimes people don’t ask for help, even when they know it’s needed.
Another lesson is how overthinking and obsessing about things can compound and bring us back to fear and lack. From a hopeful point of view of selling books and sharing money with people, my over-processing has tripped me up. When written, I was at a point where I had a lack of faith that we’ll even house one person, let alone the personal goal of 1,000, from my book and music earnings.
When I reach a point of falling to lack, concern, and fear, I then stop myself there and carry to the next moment. When I’m writing, there is an additional layer I notice where I can’t only process my thoughts, though the focus dissects the minute moments into a more extended explanation. I think that people should write to figure out their ideas and also to illustrate them to someone!
When you have a lot on your mind, and you want to find some solutions (and have no one to process with), I recommend getting onto the computer or writing in a notebook. Typing on the computer is a lot faster and allows others to read your words more clearly than handwriting, though you may prefer to write by hand.
You may, or may not, want another to view what you wrote, though still, I think that having time and space to write out our ideas is a precious thing. Some people process verbally, while some people need to meditate and think about their situations. We may not yet understand the power of putting our mind, heart, and ideas onto paper or screen.
What I use is my books as a way to discuss, process, and share some of the ideas that flux through my being. I know that even if no one reads my books that I still have gained. I think that some of the ideas I wish to share are valuable, and believe information and knowledge should be shared, not hoarded.
The challenge and issue we’ve had with these books are that I sometimes lack structure. There’s the truth I’ve said the Fountain books are my process books as they give me have a place to process and do my messy work, though they also are seeds to share.
If I’m to drop one idea into your hand, right now, I give you the challenge to write something for another person. Get on the computer, and write two thousand words to someone telling them anything or everything you’d like to relay. It may not be easy for some to write 2,000 words, though I bet you’ll find some pretty astonishing things coming out of yourself by doing so.
The process evolves and shifts. I want to remind people we each have much to say. The step of sharing our voices with people is one that allows us to learn about others and not just ourselves. Sharing our thoughts through text is also something, I deem, an exceptionally worthwhile thing.
What will you write? (And to whom?)
A Node in the Contialis 